The word "Father" brings up many different feelings and emotions for different people. Some people might feel happy, have wonderful memories, feel security and cared for deeply. Others might have lost their fathers and have great memories and experience deep sorrow and sadness thinking about them. Then, there are those of us who hear the word "Father" and it brings up very different feelings. Feelings that we don't like to deal with. Feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, disappointment, bitterness and on and on.
In a fairy tale world but yet maybe in the life of many, fathers provide for their children. Fathers spend time with their children and build them up and encourage them. They take their daughters on dates and teach them how a man should properly treat a woman. But this was not my reality. I could spend eternity telling you my sad story about the experiences I have had but instead I will tell you how I overcame and became a victor instead of a victim.
I went to Tres Dias back in October. During that weekend, there was a man there and every time I looked at him or heard him speak, I wondered what it would have been like to have had a dad like this man. I said to myself "Why couldn't I have had a dad like him?" During that weekend, there were many, many men who gathered around all of us women and serenaded us. In that moment, I felt secure. I felt protected and loved and truly cared for by all of these strangers. I realized that I have always allowed and welcomed women in my life to fill the void of not having my mom here. But it never occurred to me that God has been trying for years to fill this void of not having a good father in my life with good solid Christian men!
Honestly, this experience set me free. I realized that I had a limiting belief that ALL men were like my father and would let me down in one way or another. I also believed that the God I serve was the same way. I saw that I was rejecting father figures and I was rejecting my God. Since then I have been open to letting the men in my life fill this void and it has been incredible. This HUGE hole in my heart may not be filled but it sure is a heck of a lot smaller!!
The biggest thing I let go of that weekend was the guilt of not having a relationship with my earthly father. When I let that go and turned it all over to my heavenly Father, I had the biggest release I think I have ever experienced. My life has definitely not been the same. I hope you can do this too if this is something you have experienced. I would love to hear your thoughts on this and help you in any way I can work through your own "Father wound". I think we all have them. Some just more than others.
What is YOUR limiting belief when it comes to your father? Will you let it consume the rest of your life or will you step out in faith and let God fill this void once and for all and be all that HE wants to be for you in your life?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Fatherless Daughters Whose Fathers Are Living
Fatherless Daughters PART 1
Here are some statistics on fatherless daughters.
53% are more likely to marry as teenagers
111% are more likely to have children as teenagers
164% are more likely to have an out of wedlock birth
92% higher divorce rate (32% higher for sons)
I fall in ALL of the above categories. I did marry as a teenager, I did have a child as a teenager, it was out of wedlock and I also divorced. I spent years searching for in a man what I never got from my earthly father. Therefore, I had a huge void in my life but didn't even know what I was looking for.
I feel that we are created with a longing to know our heavenly father. Regardless of the decisions we make in our lives, I think we will search to find something that can fill that void until we let God fill it. And if we don't let God fill it, we will continue searching relentlessly for it.
I lost my mom when I was 23 years old and she was one amazing, incredible woman. In the last 17 years since her death, God has put so many women in my life that help to fill the void of not having my mom. I have willingly accepted and welcomed this. It makes the times when I miss her terribly so much easier to handle. However, when it comes to men, I would rather die than depend on one to fill this void. Due to having this mentality, I have spent my life looking at my heavenly father the same way as I look at my earthly father. I have felt that I cannot depend on God, I cannot trust Him, I never know when he will come through and I definitely can't go to Him for answers or comfort. This has created some real difficulty in my life.
I spent my life expecting my dad to be something he will never ever be. I basically had extreme unrealistic expectations. This created in me anger, bitterness, resentment and many other things that I have had to overcome. I've been on a journey. I've traveled the road of the broken heart for over 30 years. I've searched for so many things in my life to make the pain of not having my dad around subside. It wasn't until I went to something called "Tres Dias" that my life completely changed in this area. I can't wait to share it with you in Part 2.
Here are some statistics on fatherless daughters.
53% are more likely to marry as teenagers
111% are more likely to have children as teenagers
164% are more likely to have an out of wedlock birth
92% higher divorce rate (32% higher for sons)
I fall in ALL of the above categories. I did marry as a teenager, I did have a child as a teenager, it was out of wedlock and I also divorced. I spent years searching for in a man what I never got from my earthly father. Therefore, I had a huge void in my life but didn't even know what I was looking for.
I feel that we are created with a longing to know our heavenly father. Regardless of the decisions we make in our lives, I think we will search to find something that can fill that void until we let God fill it. And if we don't let God fill it, we will continue searching relentlessly for it.
I lost my mom when I was 23 years old and she was one amazing, incredible woman. In the last 17 years since her death, God has put so many women in my life that help to fill the void of not having my mom. I have willingly accepted and welcomed this. It makes the times when I miss her terribly so much easier to handle. However, when it comes to men, I would rather die than depend on one to fill this void. Due to having this mentality, I have spent my life looking at my heavenly father the same way as I look at my earthly father. I have felt that I cannot depend on God, I cannot trust Him, I never know when he will come through and I definitely can't go to Him for answers or comfort. This has created some real difficulty in my life.
I spent my life expecting my dad to be something he will never ever be. I basically had extreme unrealistic expectations. This created in me anger, bitterness, resentment and many other things that I have had to overcome. I've been on a journey. I've traveled the road of the broken heart for over 30 years. I've searched for so many things in my life to make the pain of not having my dad around subside. It wasn't until I went to something called "Tres Dias" that my life completely changed in this area. I can't wait to share it with you in Part 2.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Wasted
No, not the drinking and partying "Wasted". This is a very different kind but maybe has some of the same similarities in the consequences. About 3 years or so ago my husband got a major pay cut. We went to see a financial advisor at the church we attended. Now, I use the program "Money" to balance my checking account and that is about it.
One of the first things he had me do was go through that program and figure out how much money we had been spending in every catagory such as groceries, gas, entertainment, etc. I didn't even realize you could do this! Being the detailed person that I am, I was so excited. Excited until I pulled up the "Dining Out" category. I looked at what we had spent over the last 12 months in this area and thought to myself that there just had to be a mistake. I ran the report several times and still came up with the same figure. I was down right embarrassed. I was in shock! I was in utter disbelief.
I thought back to the situations that had come up over the past year. People who I know needed help financially but I thought we couldn't afford to help them. People who were hurting, who could have used a little boost in their lives. It was humbling to say the very least. Since then, we don't go out to eat much. Don't get me wrong, we do go out to eat. But it is in the budget!
I have been pondering on this for the past couple of weeks. I wonder if we had some kind of program that kept up with the hours, days, weeks, months that we have spent over the last 12 months worrying, doubting, fretting, gossiping, living in fear, what would the tally be? Even scarier, what if we could calculate that for our entire life time?
I know for a fact that I have wasted a HUGE amount of time on being stressed about things and worrying. I just don't want to get to the end and look back and see how many awesome things I missed. How many precious moments have I missed with my daughters? Better yet, how many precious moments have been totally WASTED because of my own junk!! I don't know about you but I think that if we were to consciously pay close attention to this our lives would be drastically changed.
Remember, "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change"
So if we could just change the way we look at these things in particular, we could enjoy so much more of our lives and I bet we would even be more of a joy to be around. SO, join me in committing to STOP WASTING TIME on things that don't matter!!
One of the first things he had me do was go through that program and figure out how much money we had been spending in every catagory such as groceries, gas, entertainment, etc. I didn't even realize you could do this! Being the detailed person that I am, I was so excited. Excited until I pulled up the "Dining Out" category. I looked at what we had spent over the last 12 months in this area and thought to myself that there just had to be a mistake. I ran the report several times and still came up with the same figure. I was down right embarrassed. I was in shock! I was in utter disbelief.
I thought back to the situations that had come up over the past year. People who I know needed help financially but I thought we couldn't afford to help them. People who were hurting, who could have used a little boost in their lives. It was humbling to say the very least. Since then, we don't go out to eat much. Don't get me wrong, we do go out to eat. But it is in the budget!
I have been pondering on this for the past couple of weeks. I wonder if we had some kind of program that kept up with the hours, days, weeks, months that we have spent over the last 12 months worrying, doubting, fretting, gossiping, living in fear, what would the tally be? Even scarier, what if we could calculate that for our entire life time?
I know for a fact that I have wasted a HUGE amount of time on being stressed about things and worrying. I just don't want to get to the end and look back and see how many awesome things I missed. How many precious moments have I missed with my daughters? Better yet, how many precious moments have been totally WASTED because of my own junk!! I don't know about you but I think that if we were to consciously pay close attention to this our lives would be drastically changed.
Remember, "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change"
So if we could just change the way we look at these things in particular, we could enjoy so much more of our lives and I bet we would even be more of a joy to be around. SO, join me in committing to STOP WASTING TIME on things that don't matter!!
Friday, January 8, 2010
I'm like you
You ever "woman watch"? Be honest. You know, you see that woman who is "perfect". She has beautiful hair, slender, beautiful eyes, nice car, nice clothes, the list could go on and on. With every woman you see she is more and more perfect than you.
We are funny creatures aren't we? I don't think men do this. But I know as women we sure do. Every weakness we see in ourselves, is magnified as perfection in others. But you know what? I believe that every woman has a story. It doesn't matter how perfect she might seem on the outside. How beautiful or how smart. Inside, she is just like you and me. We have all been hurt in some way. We all struggle with something. We all have a "history", a "past". We have all overcome something really big in our lives.
What if a smile was all it took to break down the walls that separate us? What if one act of kindness could change someones entire life? You might do this and never even know the impact it had on someone else's life.I think it is these small gestures that mean the most. You know, when someone does something like this because it is just the "right thing to do", you just know it isn't genuine. But when it is just a passing stranger, it just has a different feel to it.
I think as women, there is a connection in all of us. A tie that bonds us all together. Like if you pulled a piece of thread and the entire piece unraveled. I think these small gestures could be that tiny piece of thread. Only when this thread is pulled, there is a bond formed that cannot be broken.
You hear news stories of a terrible accident on the highway. Complete strangers risk their own lives to try and rescue someone they don't even know. What if the people you cross paths with every day are in a terrible accident on the INSIDE? What if they are there by divine appointment? What would you do differently? My challenge to you and to myself is to look at people with new eyes. To realize that everyone eles is really JUST LIKE YOU.
We are funny creatures aren't we? I don't think men do this. But I know as women we sure do. Every weakness we see in ourselves, is magnified as perfection in others. But you know what? I believe that every woman has a story. It doesn't matter how perfect she might seem on the outside. How beautiful or how smart. Inside, she is just like you and me. We have all been hurt in some way. We all struggle with something. We all have a "history", a "past". We have all overcome something really big in our lives.
What if a smile was all it took to break down the walls that separate us? What if one act of kindness could change someones entire life? You might do this and never even know the impact it had on someone else's life.I think it is these small gestures that mean the most. You know, when someone does something like this because it is just the "right thing to do", you just know it isn't genuine. But when it is just a passing stranger, it just has a different feel to it.
I think as women, there is a connection in all of us. A tie that bonds us all together. Like if you pulled a piece of thread and the entire piece unraveled. I think these small gestures could be that tiny piece of thread. Only when this thread is pulled, there is a bond formed that cannot be broken.
You hear news stories of a terrible accident on the highway. Complete strangers risk their own lives to try and rescue someone they don't even know. What if the people you cross paths with every day are in a terrible accident on the INSIDE? What if they are there by divine appointment? What would you do differently? My challenge to you and to myself is to look at people with new eyes. To realize that everyone eles is really JUST LIKE YOU.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Finding the Good
I had the most amazing thing happen today. But I'll start with yesterday which leads to what happened today. Yesterday, my husbands car broke down. His air compressor has gone out practically every year since we have owned it. It is a 20003 Honda CRV in case you are wondering. Anyway, when it went out the last time it wasn't under warranty anymore. Our mechanic was tired of fixing it and it was so expensive to take it to Honda that we just went without air rather than get it fixed.
Well, yesterday morning he was on his way to work and his car started over heating just down the street from our house. I'm thinking this is really no big deal. A guy from church came over to look at it and it was the air compressor that caused a belt to break and the only way to fix it was to replace both. I knew this was going to be really expensive and my husband was without a job for almost 5 months recently so this would not be good. I just didn't understand why this was happening. I had a mini meltdown and cried out to God. I pulled it together and wondered if there was any good that I could find in this situation.
I realized that since he has an hour commute to work this could have happened on the highway and we could have had to pay for towing. I had found out just the day before that a guy from our church worked on cars. So I started focusing on the good. Turns out he found the part at a salvage yard for $225.00. To purchase new at Honda was going to cost almost $1000.00 NOT including labor. Well, when the part came in and he went to pick it up he was about to walk out the door and realized that the exact same thing was wrong with that compressor. So they ordered another one from somewhere else. When I found this out and I caught myself starting to get really down. I couldn't stop thinking about what if we get this part on and spend this money and the same thing happens to this used part. I thought again about what was the good in this. I instantly remembered that recently my husband drove to Houston for business twice. That the car could have broken down in the middle of no where and how much money that could have cost to have it towed much less repaired in another city by someone we didn't know. This could have all happened when he was unemployed.
When I found the good in the situation, I literally physically felt something change. I felt the difference IN me. My attitude was changed. I had peace. Even when I tried to think about how bad this could potentially be, I didn't worry about it or stress at all. I said out loud to God, "God, will you quite this storm in our lives?" I drove home and the guy from church was in my driveway working on our car. I was puzzled. I said to him, "I'm surprised to see you here" He tells me that he was sitting at home thinking about our car and an idea came to him on how to fix the car by just replacing a belt if he could just get it to work. The air still wouldn't work but the cost would be minimal.
So, I told him the exact story of me looking for the good. I could tell that he didn't think that belt was going to work. I looked at him and told him that I believed that he was going to be able to get it on. I went inside and within just a couple of minutes that belt was on and the car was working just fine!! The belt cost $11.00!!
I am 100% convinced that as I looked for the good, God changed my heart. I had HIS peace that passes ALL understanding. I hope this ministers to you today. Look for the good even when it seems like there isn't any to be found. I believe you will find it. And when you do and God does something amazing not only in your life but in YOU, please share your experience with me because I would just be thrilled to hear about it!!
Well, yesterday morning he was on his way to work and his car started over heating just down the street from our house. I'm thinking this is really no big deal. A guy from church came over to look at it and it was the air compressor that caused a belt to break and the only way to fix it was to replace both. I knew this was going to be really expensive and my husband was without a job for almost 5 months recently so this would not be good. I just didn't understand why this was happening. I had a mini meltdown and cried out to God. I pulled it together and wondered if there was any good that I could find in this situation.
I realized that since he has an hour commute to work this could have happened on the highway and we could have had to pay for towing. I had found out just the day before that a guy from our church worked on cars. So I started focusing on the good. Turns out he found the part at a salvage yard for $225.00. To purchase new at Honda was going to cost almost $1000.00 NOT including labor. Well, when the part came in and he went to pick it up he was about to walk out the door and realized that the exact same thing was wrong with that compressor. So they ordered another one from somewhere else. When I found this out and I caught myself starting to get really down. I couldn't stop thinking about what if we get this part on and spend this money and the same thing happens to this used part. I thought again about what was the good in this. I instantly remembered that recently my husband drove to Houston for business twice. That the car could have broken down in the middle of no where and how much money that could have cost to have it towed much less repaired in another city by someone we didn't know. This could have all happened when he was unemployed.
When I found the good in the situation, I literally physically felt something change. I felt the difference IN me. My attitude was changed. I had peace. Even when I tried to think about how bad this could potentially be, I didn't worry about it or stress at all. I said out loud to God, "God, will you quite this storm in our lives?" I drove home and the guy from church was in my driveway working on our car. I was puzzled. I said to him, "I'm surprised to see you here" He tells me that he was sitting at home thinking about our car and an idea came to him on how to fix the car by just replacing a belt if he could just get it to work. The air still wouldn't work but the cost would be minimal.
So, I told him the exact story of me looking for the good. I could tell that he didn't think that belt was going to work. I looked at him and told him that I believed that he was going to be able to get it on. I went inside and within just a couple of minutes that belt was on and the car was working just fine!! The belt cost $11.00!!
I am 100% convinced that as I looked for the good, God changed my heart. I had HIS peace that passes ALL understanding. I hope this ministers to you today. Look for the good even when it seems like there isn't any to be found. I believe you will find it. And when you do and God does something amazing not only in your life but in YOU, please share your experience with me because I would just be thrilled to hear about it!!
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