Fatherless Daughters PART 1
Here are some statistics on fatherless daughters.
53% are more likely to marry as teenagers
111% are more likely to have children as teenagers
164% are more likely to have an out of wedlock birth
92% higher divorce rate (32% higher for sons)
I fall in ALL of the above categories. I did marry as a teenager, I did have a child as a teenager, it was out of wedlock and I also divorced. I spent years searching for in a man what I never got from my earthly father. Therefore, I had a huge void in my life but didn't even know what I was looking for.
I feel that we are created with a longing to know our heavenly father. Regardless of the decisions we make in our lives, I think we will search to find something that can fill that void until we let God fill it. And if we don't let God fill it, we will continue searching relentlessly for it.
I lost my mom when I was 23 years old and she was one amazing, incredible woman. In the last 17 years since her death, God has put so many women in my life that help to fill the void of not having my mom. I have willingly accepted and welcomed this. It makes the times when I miss her terribly so much easier to handle. However, when it comes to men, I would rather die than depend on one to fill this void. Due to having this mentality, I have spent my life looking at my heavenly father the same way as I look at my earthly father. I have felt that I cannot depend on God, I cannot trust Him, I never know when he will come through and I definitely can't go to Him for answers or comfort. This has created some real difficulty in my life.
I spent my life expecting my dad to be something he will never ever be. I basically had extreme unrealistic expectations. This created in me anger, bitterness, resentment and many other things that I have had to overcome. I've been on a journey. I've traveled the road of the broken heart for over 30 years. I've searched for so many things in my life to make the pain of not having my dad around subside. It wasn't until I went to something called "Tres Dias" that my life completely changed in this area. I can't wait to share it with you in Part 2.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Wasted
No, not the drinking and partying "Wasted". This is a very different kind but maybe has some of the same similarities in the consequences. About 3 years or so ago my husband got a major pay cut. We went to see a financial advisor at the church we attended. Now, I use the program "Money" to balance my checking account and that is about it.
One of the first things he had me do was go through that program and figure out how much money we had been spending in every catagory such as groceries, gas, entertainment, etc. I didn't even realize you could do this! Being the detailed person that I am, I was so excited. Excited until I pulled up the "Dining Out" category. I looked at what we had spent over the last 12 months in this area and thought to myself that there just had to be a mistake. I ran the report several times and still came up with the same figure. I was down right embarrassed. I was in shock! I was in utter disbelief.
I thought back to the situations that had come up over the past year. People who I know needed help financially but I thought we couldn't afford to help them. People who were hurting, who could have used a little boost in their lives. It was humbling to say the very least. Since then, we don't go out to eat much. Don't get me wrong, we do go out to eat. But it is in the budget!
I have been pondering on this for the past couple of weeks. I wonder if we had some kind of program that kept up with the hours, days, weeks, months that we have spent over the last 12 months worrying, doubting, fretting, gossiping, living in fear, what would the tally be? Even scarier, what if we could calculate that for our entire life time?
I know for a fact that I have wasted a HUGE amount of time on being stressed about things and worrying. I just don't want to get to the end and look back and see how many awesome things I missed. How many precious moments have I missed with my daughters? Better yet, how many precious moments have been totally WASTED because of my own junk!! I don't know about you but I think that if we were to consciously pay close attention to this our lives would be drastically changed.
Remember, "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change"
So if we could just change the way we look at these things in particular, we could enjoy so much more of our lives and I bet we would even be more of a joy to be around. SO, join me in committing to STOP WASTING TIME on things that don't matter!!
One of the first things he had me do was go through that program and figure out how much money we had been spending in every catagory such as groceries, gas, entertainment, etc. I didn't even realize you could do this! Being the detailed person that I am, I was so excited. Excited until I pulled up the "Dining Out" category. I looked at what we had spent over the last 12 months in this area and thought to myself that there just had to be a mistake. I ran the report several times and still came up with the same figure. I was down right embarrassed. I was in shock! I was in utter disbelief.
I thought back to the situations that had come up over the past year. People who I know needed help financially but I thought we couldn't afford to help them. People who were hurting, who could have used a little boost in their lives. It was humbling to say the very least. Since then, we don't go out to eat much. Don't get me wrong, we do go out to eat. But it is in the budget!
I have been pondering on this for the past couple of weeks. I wonder if we had some kind of program that kept up with the hours, days, weeks, months that we have spent over the last 12 months worrying, doubting, fretting, gossiping, living in fear, what would the tally be? Even scarier, what if we could calculate that for our entire life time?
I know for a fact that I have wasted a HUGE amount of time on being stressed about things and worrying. I just don't want to get to the end and look back and see how many awesome things I missed. How many precious moments have I missed with my daughters? Better yet, how many precious moments have been totally WASTED because of my own junk!! I don't know about you but I think that if we were to consciously pay close attention to this our lives would be drastically changed.
Remember, "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change"
So if we could just change the way we look at these things in particular, we could enjoy so much more of our lives and I bet we would even be more of a joy to be around. SO, join me in committing to STOP WASTING TIME on things that don't matter!!
Friday, January 8, 2010
I'm like you
You ever "woman watch"? Be honest. You know, you see that woman who is "perfect". She has beautiful hair, slender, beautiful eyes, nice car, nice clothes, the list could go on and on. With every woman you see she is more and more perfect than you.
We are funny creatures aren't we? I don't think men do this. But I know as women we sure do. Every weakness we see in ourselves, is magnified as perfection in others. But you know what? I believe that every woman has a story. It doesn't matter how perfect she might seem on the outside. How beautiful or how smart. Inside, she is just like you and me. We have all been hurt in some way. We all struggle with something. We all have a "history", a "past". We have all overcome something really big in our lives.
What if a smile was all it took to break down the walls that separate us? What if one act of kindness could change someones entire life? You might do this and never even know the impact it had on someone else's life.I think it is these small gestures that mean the most. You know, when someone does something like this because it is just the "right thing to do", you just know it isn't genuine. But when it is just a passing stranger, it just has a different feel to it.
I think as women, there is a connection in all of us. A tie that bonds us all together. Like if you pulled a piece of thread and the entire piece unraveled. I think these small gestures could be that tiny piece of thread. Only when this thread is pulled, there is a bond formed that cannot be broken.
You hear news stories of a terrible accident on the highway. Complete strangers risk their own lives to try and rescue someone they don't even know. What if the people you cross paths with every day are in a terrible accident on the INSIDE? What if they are there by divine appointment? What would you do differently? My challenge to you and to myself is to look at people with new eyes. To realize that everyone eles is really JUST LIKE YOU.
We are funny creatures aren't we? I don't think men do this. But I know as women we sure do. Every weakness we see in ourselves, is magnified as perfection in others. But you know what? I believe that every woman has a story. It doesn't matter how perfect she might seem on the outside. How beautiful or how smart. Inside, she is just like you and me. We have all been hurt in some way. We all struggle with something. We all have a "history", a "past". We have all overcome something really big in our lives.
What if a smile was all it took to break down the walls that separate us? What if one act of kindness could change someones entire life? You might do this and never even know the impact it had on someone else's life.I think it is these small gestures that mean the most. You know, when someone does something like this because it is just the "right thing to do", you just know it isn't genuine. But when it is just a passing stranger, it just has a different feel to it.
I think as women, there is a connection in all of us. A tie that bonds us all together. Like if you pulled a piece of thread and the entire piece unraveled. I think these small gestures could be that tiny piece of thread. Only when this thread is pulled, there is a bond formed that cannot be broken.
You hear news stories of a terrible accident on the highway. Complete strangers risk their own lives to try and rescue someone they don't even know. What if the people you cross paths with every day are in a terrible accident on the INSIDE? What if they are there by divine appointment? What would you do differently? My challenge to you and to myself is to look at people with new eyes. To realize that everyone eles is really JUST LIKE YOU.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Finding the Good
I had the most amazing thing happen today. But I'll start with yesterday which leads to what happened today. Yesterday, my husbands car broke down. His air compressor has gone out practically every year since we have owned it. It is a 20003 Honda CRV in case you are wondering. Anyway, when it went out the last time it wasn't under warranty anymore. Our mechanic was tired of fixing it and it was so expensive to take it to Honda that we just went without air rather than get it fixed.
Well, yesterday morning he was on his way to work and his car started over heating just down the street from our house. I'm thinking this is really no big deal. A guy from church came over to look at it and it was the air compressor that caused a belt to break and the only way to fix it was to replace both. I knew this was going to be really expensive and my husband was without a job for almost 5 months recently so this would not be good. I just didn't understand why this was happening. I had a mini meltdown and cried out to God. I pulled it together and wondered if there was any good that I could find in this situation.
I realized that since he has an hour commute to work this could have happened on the highway and we could have had to pay for towing. I had found out just the day before that a guy from our church worked on cars. So I started focusing on the good. Turns out he found the part at a salvage yard for $225.00. To purchase new at Honda was going to cost almost $1000.00 NOT including labor. Well, when the part came in and he went to pick it up he was about to walk out the door and realized that the exact same thing was wrong with that compressor. So they ordered another one from somewhere else. When I found this out and I caught myself starting to get really down. I couldn't stop thinking about what if we get this part on and spend this money and the same thing happens to this used part. I thought again about what was the good in this. I instantly remembered that recently my husband drove to Houston for business twice. That the car could have broken down in the middle of no where and how much money that could have cost to have it towed much less repaired in another city by someone we didn't know. This could have all happened when he was unemployed.
When I found the good in the situation, I literally physically felt something change. I felt the difference IN me. My attitude was changed. I had peace. Even when I tried to think about how bad this could potentially be, I didn't worry about it or stress at all. I said out loud to God, "God, will you quite this storm in our lives?" I drove home and the guy from church was in my driveway working on our car. I was puzzled. I said to him, "I'm surprised to see you here" He tells me that he was sitting at home thinking about our car and an idea came to him on how to fix the car by just replacing a belt if he could just get it to work. The air still wouldn't work but the cost would be minimal.
So, I told him the exact story of me looking for the good. I could tell that he didn't think that belt was going to work. I looked at him and told him that I believed that he was going to be able to get it on. I went inside and within just a couple of minutes that belt was on and the car was working just fine!! The belt cost $11.00!!
I am 100% convinced that as I looked for the good, God changed my heart. I had HIS peace that passes ALL understanding. I hope this ministers to you today. Look for the good even when it seems like there isn't any to be found. I believe you will find it. And when you do and God does something amazing not only in your life but in YOU, please share your experience with me because I would just be thrilled to hear about it!!
Well, yesterday morning he was on his way to work and his car started over heating just down the street from our house. I'm thinking this is really no big deal. A guy from church came over to look at it and it was the air compressor that caused a belt to break and the only way to fix it was to replace both. I knew this was going to be really expensive and my husband was without a job for almost 5 months recently so this would not be good. I just didn't understand why this was happening. I had a mini meltdown and cried out to God. I pulled it together and wondered if there was any good that I could find in this situation.
I realized that since he has an hour commute to work this could have happened on the highway and we could have had to pay for towing. I had found out just the day before that a guy from our church worked on cars. So I started focusing on the good. Turns out he found the part at a salvage yard for $225.00. To purchase new at Honda was going to cost almost $1000.00 NOT including labor. Well, when the part came in and he went to pick it up he was about to walk out the door and realized that the exact same thing was wrong with that compressor. So they ordered another one from somewhere else. When I found this out and I caught myself starting to get really down. I couldn't stop thinking about what if we get this part on and spend this money and the same thing happens to this used part. I thought again about what was the good in this. I instantly remembered that recently my husband drove to Houston for business twice. That the car could have broken down in the middle of no where and how much money that could have cost to have it towed much less repaired in another city by someone we didn't know. This could have all happened when he was unemployed.
When I found the good in the situation, I literally physically felt something change. I felt the difference IN me. My attitude was changed. I had peace. Even when I tried to think about how bad this could potentially be, I didn't worry about it or stress at all. I said out loud to God, "God, will you quite this storm in our lives?" I drove home and the guy from church was in my driveway working on our car. I was puzzled. I said to him, "I'm surprised to see you here" He tells me that he was sitting at home thinking about our car and an idea came to him on how to fix the car by just replacing a belt if he could just get it to work. The air still wouldn't work but the cost would be minimal.
So, I told him the exact story of me looking for the good. I could tell that he didn't think that belt was going to work. I looked at him and told him that I believed that he was going to be able to get it on. I went inside and within just a couple of minutes that belt was on and the car was working just fine!! The belt cost $11.00!!
I am 100% convinced that as I looked for the good, God changed my heart. I had HIS peace that passes ALL understanding. I hope this ministers to you today. Look for the good even when it seems like there isn't any to be found. I believe you will find it. And when you do and God does something amazing not only in your life but in YOU, please share your experience with me because I would just be thrilled to hear about it!!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Sandpaper People
I've been doing some research on sandpaper. It amazes me how sandpaper can be so similar to difficult people in our lives. Sandpaper comes in different sizes of grit. The lower the grit the rougher the sandpaper. The higher the grit, the smoother the sandpaper. I think I would be safe in saying that we all have people in our lives that "rub us the wrong way"
There is a term when talking about sandpaper that is called "Going through the grits". It refers to the process of sanding where a woodworker uses progressively finer pieces of sandpaper to get a smooth finish. By going through the grits each progressive piece of sandpaper removes the scratches from the previous piece. Skipping grits to save time is not necessarily a good idea. You will often end up sanding longer just to remove the scratches left by the previous grit.
I don't know if this is as amazing to you as it is to me but I find it very helpful in understanding why there are "difficult" people in my life. It isn't about them at all! It is about what God is doing in ME!! Sometimes when these "Sandpaper People" come into our lives, we try to run as far away from them as possible. We do everything in our power to avoid them. But God will always just bring them back around again or someone else who is JUST like them.
Do you have a "Sandpaper person" in your life? Stop for a minute and ask yourself..."What is God trying to teach me through this person?" By doing this, I truly believe that God will show you and you will grow by leaps and bounds. Be obedient to what he is showing you and then act upon it. And remember, YOU too are someone's Sandpaper person and are rubbing them the wrong way as well!
There is a term when talking about sandpaper that is called "Going through the grits". It refers to the process of sanding where a woodworker uses progressively finer pieces of sandpaper to get a smooth finish. By going through the grits each progressive piece of sandpaper removes the scratches from the previous piece. Skipping grits to save time is not necessarily a good idea. You will often end up sanding longer just to remove the scratches left by the previous grit.
I don't know if this is as amazing to you as it is to me but I find it very helpful in understanding why there are "difficult" people in my life. It isn't about them at all! It is about what God is doing in ME!! Sometimes when these "Sandpaper People" come into our lives, we try to run as far away from them as possible. We do everything in our power to avoid them. But God will always just bring them back around again or someone else who is JUST like them.
Do you have a "Sandpaper person" in your life? Stop for a minute and ask yourself..."What is God trying to teach me through this person?" By doing this, I truly believe that God will show you and you will grow by leaps and bounds. Be obedient to what he is showing you and then act upon it. And remember, YOU too are someone's Sandpaper person and are rubbing them the wrong way as well!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Runaway
I want to run. I want to run away as fast and as far as I can possibly go. But when I imagine doing this I wonder to myself "Where would I go?" How do you run away from your own thoughts. How can you run away from your own mind?
Do you ever experience this? The mind can take you to some really scary places. And the interesting thing is that you can "appear" like everything is perfectly fine on the outside. We have become masterful at masking what is going on in our hearts and minds. We put on a big smile, we put on our make-up and fix up our hair and pretend it is all totally fine. But no matter how hard we try, you just can't cover up yourself to yourself. And you can't run away from "YOU"
So what can we do? Well, the only thing I know that works every time is to run to the FATHER. He is already aware of everything you have been thinking. He knows your heart and mind. He knows YOU better than anyone else because HE created YOU.
Pray, pray, pray. God is so faithful. I find that my thoughts get carried away when I am only running to God on empty. If I spend time with God during the good times then I have something to draw on when I'm struggling. When your heart is heavy and your mind seems crazy, hang in there. I have gone through this many, many times and it always, 100% of the time, passes. Yes, it can be extremely difficult in the thick of it. But don't give up!
Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' Isaiah 41:10
Do you ever experience this? The mind can take you to some really scary places. And the interesting thing is that you can "appear" like everything is perfectly fine on the outside. We have become masterful at masking what is going on in our hearts and minds. We put on a big smile, we put on our make-up and fix up our hair and pretend it is all totally fine. But no matter how hard we try, you just can't cover up yourself to yourself. And you can't run away from "YOU"
So what can we do? Well, the only thing I know that works every time is to run to the FATHER. He is already aware of everything you have been thinking. He knows your heart and mind. He knows YOU better than anyone else because HE created YOU.
Pray, pray, pray. God is so faithful. I find that my thoughts get carried away when I am only running to God on empty. If I spend time with God during the good times then I have something to draw on when I'm struggling. When your heart is heavy and your mind seems crazy, hang in there. I have gone through this many, many times and it always, 100% of the time, passes. Yes, it can be extremely difficult in the thick of it. But don't give up!
Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' Isaiah 41:10
Friday, November 6, 2009
Noises
I am sitting here blogging while listening to my husband "crunch", "crunch", "crunch" on chips and salsa. You cannot begin to imagine what it sounds like to a person like myself. It sounds like each bite is being magnified right into a major microphone. This used to really bother me. I mean, it still bothers me, but not near as bad. Because I realized that it is just me. I can hear multiple conversations going on around me at any given time. I am very sensitive to other peoples feelings. Over time, I have realized that this is just unique and has something to do with the way God made "ME".
I just have extremely sensitive ears. I wonder what it would be like if I was that sensitive to the nudging of the Holy Spirit? What if we just listened and "got it" the first time he told us? I think life would be lived with the greatest blessing. Let's learn to hear the voice of God instead of shrugging it off as some annoying noise that is getting on our nerves.
Be blessed as you listen for the sweet voice of your heavenly daddy!
I just have extremely sensitive ears. I wonder what it would be like if I was that sensitive to the nudging of the Holy Spirit? What if we just listened and "got it" the first time he told us? I think life would be lived with the greatest blessing. Let's learn to hear the voice of God instead of shrugging it off as some annoying noise that is getting on our nerves.
Be blessed as you listen for the sweet voice of your heavenly daddy!
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